What Is Your Anger Masking?
Updated: May 18
We can resort to anger to protect our raw and vulnerable feelings like fear and sadness. When I see someone with anger issues, it makes me think there are years and years of self protection going on there.
The image above shows that while we express anger, underneath there's a cocktail of other emotions going on. We turn to anger because it gives us the illusion of power and strength, whereas the other emotions it blankets might make us feel vulnerable. But our emotions are always valid and are signs of unmet needs. Getting in touch with our emotions and then meeting those needs is better in the long run for our wellbeing.
The next time you feel anger overtaking, try taking a few deep breaths to get in touch with your emotions. Focus on what is going on in your body as you slow your breathing down. Now notice the thoughts flying through your mind, without getting caught up in them and without passing judgements. They are just thoughts and they come and they go. Our thoughts are not always based on facts and they can be charged with emotion. Ask yourself these questions as you breathe slowly and calmly:
What emotions do I feel as the anger subsides?
When else have I felt this same emotion?
When is the first time I can remember feeling like this?
What were the thoughts attached to this feeling?
Is there another way of looking at this? What evidence is there that this thought is true?
What would a good friend say? Could there be another explanation?
What is a kinder/less self critical way to look at this?
How do I feel now?
